Day 1

Day 1.

This is what I feel like:


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Thoughts & Feelings:

What a great way to bring in the new blog, aye? Well, its true. I really feel like crap, but it nothing "sick-wise", just my mind trying to blow itself up with anxiety and nervousness. "Today's the Day" keeps running through my head. I CANT TAKE THE PRESSURE!! lol. In fact, I hate the pressure. My mind doesn't function well, if my life isn't completely organized. Actually, its weird. I don't have to follow the "organization" to be o.k., I just have to make a million calendars with the "what-ifs" and the "what times", throw over half of them away, tuck the rest, and I'm good. But I get a brain block. I start to think about what my days will be like, and what they will contain, and I get stuck when I go over my max amount... one. Its sad really.
This is whats blowing my mind. My husbands schedule. That damned thing that prevents me from doing what I want, when I want. So I have to think of that first, b/c the military doesn't care if their soldier's wife wants to lose weight. Then I have to think of how the SPRING SEMESTER 2009 is starting in a few weeks (My first class is on Tues. Jan 13) and thats in the evening. I also have to think about how I HAVE A JOB NOW... (I know, wow, huh? lol) and I work on all of the days Decateur is off (every other day, if you didn't know) till 4pm. So, I have a few small windows when all that crap hits the fan, to join Amber at the gym. OH, plus, I DO have to eat, lol, WHEN WILL THAT HAPPEN? Man, I love food.

Hows that for a Rambling Insanity of NOTHINGNESS?

Anyways, I'm a little freaked out about this weight loss. I am kind of motivated today, but today it really hit hard, whats about to happen. Up until today, I was SUPER PUMPED (as I stated on myspace). But now I see all these "set backs" (which I'm 100% positive is just my mind trying to make me give up), and I get nervous. I put myself down, saying that its not going to work anyways, so why try.

BUT NO FEAR.. I will try. And I will keep trying.


Edit: 9pm
Me and Amber did NOT go to the gym today because it closed early (losers, don't they know about new years resolutions?!), so instead, we fought the windy cold, and walked for ALMOST an hour (50 min)... pretty briskly (my shins hurt...). I'm feeling a lot better now than I was earlier. I figured it was the soda that was bringing me down today (or lack of), so when I went to eat w/ Decateur, I had a small cup of it, (took the headache and nausea away!).

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What I've Eaten Today:

3/4 Cup Cereal.............120 calories
1/2 Cup Milk .................75 calories
6 fl oz coca cola..............75 calories <<<< I am quitting, I had to have a little to ease the nausea
I cup shredded chz.......433 calories
1.5 tbsp Sour Cream......90 calories
3 Fajitas-prepared.......495 calories
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1,288 calories on Day 1

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Numbers:

Current Weight:
199lbs.

BMI (calculator):
34.15

Goal weight:
135lbs by July 01, 2009
(25 weeks and 6 days)

Stats:
I have 64lbs to lose
thats 2.48lbs per week
.35lbs per day

Calorie Restriction:
1,238 per day